Well I wasn’t really bothered till recently, just leading my life like a blunt instrument with a blind will that things would go back to normal as soon as the opportune moment came. But when? I didn’t know, I never had an indication either. Then come moments in your life when you feel like if it is really necessary to push all these things down on your priority list – especially in my case.
My life changed after my tenth class results as you all know. Now when I look back, I find my reaction silly and my decisions funny but I chose to become what I am today and doesn’t matter what the ifs and buts would have given me or landed me in. More importantly, it was the point in my life where I had to part ways with my friends. I knew it would happen but no matter what you know it would never prepare you for the day when you realize the fact that you will no longer be able to go to the class with them and have the fun that you had till that day. Fortunately, we parted ways only to the extent of the classes and not outside them. And all through my +2, my friends were patient and caring. They never pestered over the fact that I rarely met them or that I forgot birthdays and skipped outings. They never pecked me for being what I was. Instead they realized why I was unable to do all those things with them. They knew that I was going to college from 730 to 2230 and that I hardly stayed at home. Even holidays (including public and strikes, bandhs) were of no significance as they never really seemed to bother either my lecturers or my college management and in days when its hard to find true friends I had people around me who understood my position and never bothered me with unnecessary complications. Moreover, they welcomed me warmly and made me forget all this when I was with them. Day after day I led a dual life, killing my instincts for mischief and humour, leading a sober and low profile students life until the day came when I decided to finally tell the world that I was not going to join engineering. No one believed me when I told them that. Some well wishers even decided to force the shit (as per them) out of me, make me see sense. But I was not prepared to listen to anyone. I had decided to do what I liked. And who were the ones behind me – my family and my friends. No one else. Come to think of it, it really didn’t matter what others felt as long as these people were with me. So I jumped ship into a completely new world again and this world was the worst I’d seen.
I didn’t let the unnecessary things bother me because I found friends again in this new world despite it being bad. These people were again like my school friends, not pestering me and understanding what I did. I somehow missed such company in my +2 years. My friends there were more different. They never really understood my position maybe because they don’t have a complete insight into a CA student’s routine. They misunderstood me for avoiding them, which is far from the truth.
So as my life goes on like a log in a river, not knowing what lies ahead, what do I have that I can rely on – my school friends. And what happened recently made me think…..
They ask me to come to a trip.. I tell them I’ll do it and then I don’t show up because of office. What’s the consequence? Nothing. They’ll be the same good guys. They’ll play gentlemen again and be good to me. But how long will this go on? When all of them can do things we always do, what am I doing sitting in office? For my age and regular habits…for what I am inside…what have I done to myself…why did I choose this path…why am I picking the wrath of my +2 friends…why am I missing these small things…is this necessary? Is this what I bargained for? Is this what I will be forever?
Anta philosophy ledu…but just a thought ante….asalu em jarugutondi naa jeevitamlo!!!
My life changed after my tenth class results as you all know. Now when I look back, I find my reaction silly and my decisions funny but I chose to become what I am today and doesn’t matter what the ifs and buts would have given me or landed me in. More importantly, it was the point in my life where I had to part ways with my friends. I knew it would happen but no matter what you know it would never prepare you for the day when you realize the fact that you will no longer be able to go to the class with them and have the fun that you had till that day. Fortunately, we parted ways only to the extent of the classes and not outside them. And all through my +2, my friends were patient and caring. They never pestered over the fact that I rarely met them or that I forgot birthdays and skipped outings. They never pecked me for being what I was. Instead they realized why I was unable to do all those things with them. They knew that I was going to college from 730 to 2230 and that I hardly stayed at home. Even holidays (including public and strikes, bandhs) were of no significance as they never really seemed to bother either my lecturers or my college management and in days when its hard to find true friends I had people around me who understood my position and never bothered me with unnecessary complications. Moreover, they welcomed me warmly and made me forget all this when I was with them. Day after day I led a dual life, killing my instincts for mischief and humour, leading a sober and low profile students life until the day came when I decided to finally tell the world that I was not going to join engineering. No one believed me when I told them that. Some well wishers even decided to force the shit (as per them) out of me, make me see sense. But I was not prepared to listen to anyone. I had decided to do what I liked. And who were the ones behind me – my family and my friends. No one else. Come to think of it, it really didn’t matter what others felt as long as these people were with me. So I jumped ship into a completely new world again and this world was the worst I’d seen.
I didn’t let the unnecessary things bother me because I found friends again in this new world despite it being bad. These people were again like my school friends, not pestering me and understanding what I did. I somehow missed such company in my +2 years. My friends there were more different. They never really understood my position maybe because they don’t have a complete insight into a CA student’s routine. They misunderstood me for avoiding them, which is far from the truth.
So as my life goes on like a log in a river, not knowing what lies ahead, what do I have that I can rely on – my school friends. And what happened recently made me think…..
They ask me to come to a trip.. I tell them I’ll do it and then I don’t show up because of office. What’s the consequence? Nothing. They’ll be the same good guys. They’ll play gentlemen again and be good to me. But how long will this go on? When all of them can do things we always do, what am I doing sitting in office? For my age and regular habits…for what I am inside…what have I done to myself…why did I choose this path…why am I picking the wrath of my +2 friends…why am I missing these small things…is this necessary? Is this what I bargained for? Is this what I will be forever?
Anta philosophy ledu…but just a thought ante….asalu em jarugutondi naa jeevitamlo!!!
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