Chapter 2 - Obsession

There are 2 adjectives that can define a person's liking towards something - love and obsession. Before you jump to conclusions, I am talking of sport (here atleast). You can find people who love a sport, follow it, etc etc and you can also find people who are obsessed with a sport. These people take their love for the sport to another level altogether. While people who love a sport limit themselves to an extent, people obsessed with it have no self imposed limits. They take fandom to an entirely new level.

As far as I am concerned, I am obsessed with Kimi (not f1). Kimi has been in my mind for as long as I can remember (from 2001 I suppose), he has been in my thoughts for the same duration and I don’t see him getting out in the near future. Kimi has given me such ineffable emotions that can only be savored.

I am into a career that in my view will not take me beyond the borders of this country. In fact, I had accepted that as a given fact. I had committed myself to the fact that I would in all probability never leave this country. But things started to change as I entered my articles. That was when I actually applied for a passport (for our offsite which never happened). So I ended up with a passport of new use (in my opinion) as I would never (i.e., in the foreseeable future leave the country). But if only I knew what the future had in store for me!!

Kimi won the championship in 2007 and I was more desperate than ever in his admiration. And then there was a fact that he would not stay in f1 for long and that he would never take part in the Indian GP (which would supposedly happen in 2011). I had this one chance to exploit, one and only chance to ever get to meet him in person and that was in July 2008 – British GP (cause my brother lives in London). Given that my birthday was in July, my brother thought it would be great if our family made it to London in the month of July. Fate had it that my parents would not be able to do so and I was left to chose if I wanted to go or not. I would have said no but for Kimi….

I went to London and subsequently to Silverstone to watch Kimi but it would be simple to finish it in a sentence, as in reality what I had to go through for that was immense. I did not go to London because I had the money or the resources or the wealthy paunchy brother to spend on me, it was for Kimi (mainly). I would have left my attempts to go after the initial shake up if my trip was solely for entertainment, but I went on only because of the thrill of watching Kimi and a formula one race from 10 feet away…..that was what I had become in a decade of f1 viewing and 7 years of supporting Kimi – that was what Kimi had turned me into.

After months of discussion, I finally decided to go to the British GP in Silverstone. My Brother had booked the tickets in Feb 2008 itself but I had not applied for the visa because one of my friends had got it within a week and I was confident that it would be the same with me. So I applied with great confidence for a family visit visa on May 30th. And I used to check the status online. It was all going well and finally on the following Wednesday (June 4), the status online showed “processed application handed to courier”. I was happy beyond anything. Though the words could mean both a rejected and an approved application, I never really thought of my application being rejected. That was something that had no place even in the farthest corners of my mind. The very thought was out of question. I told of the same to everyone and even joked with them that the site had a poor choice of words as in my opinion they should change the language used above for accepted applications (as in my case). Then on Friday, June 6th, I got the letter from the embassy. They had rejected my application for a family visit visa (of the lowest duration) on grounds that they were not satisfied I would return back to India after the race.

You can imagine what was going through me at that time. I had just 3 weeks before my intended date of travel. I had office and all. I had every other thing to do and on top of that, after going through all the things, my visa was rejected. I had 2 options – give up and accept defeat, accept the fact that I would never meet Kimi or never go out of the country and on a more important note I was rejected a visa the first time ever I had applied OR go for an appeal and try and convince the visa officer that I would not try and settle in the UK. All that in 3 weeks or at a maximum 4 weeks as the race was on July 6th and it was 4 weeks away.

I went through all the possible sources of information and after all that I came to know that an appeal process would atleast 3 weeks if everything went well and smooth i.e., if my letter to the immigration officer was convincing enough and if he felt that he would not need to meet me personally (in Chennai) then he would overwrite his decision and issue a visa. That itself would take 3 weeks and another week for me to send back my passport and get it back (all lower end timelines). That would mean that I would get the visa on July 4th; and the race was on July 6th. It was an outside shot. A very slim probability and a very high monetary risk involved and it was up to me to decide if I wanted to take it. If I got the visa on July 4th, I could take a flight on July 5th and since one gains time while going to London from India, I would land on the night of July 5th in London giving me less than 12 hours before we would start off for Milton Keynes and Silverstone.

I took the chance. I had to. I didn’t want to be a rejected item. I decided to send my appeal papers to the embassy. Even if I didn’t get the visa in time, I wanted to get it. I didn’t want to lose this one. On June 12th, I was going to fax my papers to the Appellate Tribunal in London. It was then that an Angel (as I would call her) called me from the Embassy in Chennai telling me that if I sent the papers to London, it would take months for the appeal to be completed and that if I sent the papers to Chennai then the visa officer would look at them and decide on whether to send the same to London or not. So I sent them to Chennai. Since there was no facility to follow the progress online, I used to call them every alternate day for the updates. On July 1st, I had to make a very big decision. There was no word on my visa and though I had been kept the tickets blocked till then, given that there were only 3 days before the date of journey, there would no longer be a blocking facility. I had to either confirm the ticket or risk having no seat available on the flight. My brother told me to book the ticket on the last possible moment of departure – July 5th morning IST. I took the risk again. I asked my agent to book the ticket for the flight on July 5th, Saturday, the last possible moment for me to start in order to reach on time (Though my agent was hyper at the idea of me losing 50,000 bucks if my visa didn’t come in time, he booked it for me).

July 3rd, Judgement day. I called the embassy for the update and a familiar voice answered me (even they had got used to me calling regularly). She told me that my visa was approved and that they would be sending it to me on that day which meant I would get my visa on July 4th, one (rather half) day before the last possible moment of departure and my flight. I asked her if she was sure twice and even she couldn’t help laugh. You could sense the emotion, the delight, it was like Will Smith getting the job in the climax of Pursuit of Happyness. It was pure joy. Something that was least expected to happen had happened. I got through the appeal process in the least timeline. The visa officer was convinced with my argument and had overturned his decision. I was heading to Silverstone!!!

But there was still a problem, my leave. My manager was really good. I mean look at all the ifs and buts involved in the plan. I had told him about my position and that I would have to go for a couple of weeks if my visa gets approved. It was contingent, it was an outside chance and I was on a crunch engagement. But he gave me permission. Even my senior manager approved it. Everything that was supposed to happen had happened. Now I had to just stay at home on Friday July 4th, receive my visa, collect my ticket and fly away to meet Kimi!!!!! All that begins well ends well!!!

Did I meet Kimi?? Why dont you read on....!!!

Chapter 1 - The Iceman

In a country like mine, it’s easy to find people who love a sport; it’s not as easy but not difficult either to find people who are obsessed with a sport. In most cases, the sport in question would be cricket or tennis. But in very rare cases, it would be football or formula 1; and the number has been rising. Formula 1 for example is being followed on a much larger scale than it was a decade ago, when the following for the sport was pathetic - hardly anyone even knew what f1 was. Even today, when things have improved a lot, there are many who either don’t know what f1 is or others who don’t have a complete idea of what f1 is.

I started watching f1 in 1998, perhaps that was when star sports started giving a complete coverage of the sport because I can’t remember watching such coverage for the sport in the years before. I was 11 back then and if I could understand the sport then anyone can. I was fascinated by the sheer speed and beauty of the cars and my eyes fell on McLaren - it was the best looking car because of the paintwork (and it was winning). But then that was not where I stopped, I dragged out the history of the teams and drivers and everything I could find given that internet back then was rare and costly. Even after all of that, I liked McLaren over Ferrari and Williams and Mika Hakkinen over everyone else including Michael Schumacher despite the fact that Michael had 2 championships to mika's 0. That year Mika was champion but I didn’t get to see all races, I didn’t get to follow developments on a regular basis - newspapers never reported on f1 and internet was unavailable. Come 99 and things on the coverage front improved a bit and Mika was champion again...and 2000 was the year when things changed completely. The coverage was good and the newspapers also started reporting ok...I watched and watched as my hero battled it out with schumi and lost out due to lack of reliability and bad luck. But he was awesome in some races say Hungary - overtaking schumi off the line and in Spa where he produced one of the greatest overtaking moves of all time (awesome!! you have to watch it live to understand)..I still hoped a lot from him the next year. I started following things off season and car launches and all and finally when the season started in 2001, it was not the McLaren that caught my eye, it was a sauber...I still remember the first shot - a helicopter cam showing the sauber going towards the final complex of 2 right handers and Steve Slater (though I don’t care a damn of what he says) shouting into the microphone that the 21 year old driver didn’t have a super license and that he had graduated to f1 after only 21 single seater races ever!!! That immediately caught my attention and though I don’t exactly remember the time that he posted on his first ever f1 qualifying lap, I do remember that it was good enough to make me take notice of this guy forever. The Mclarens were not good enough. It was an ordinary performance from Mika but it was Kimi Raikkonen who had captured my attention. The next day he surprised me even more by bringing his sauber into the points, the first time I saw that team do so well, he finished sixth which was remarkable back then. It was amazing, first race and first points. Throughout the season, he continued to surprise me by finishing in the points whenever his car didn’t blow up and all of this in his first year itself. Mika on the other hand was struggling (for reasons I don’t understand even today) and disappointing me again and again except in Spain and USA but it was only because of Kimi that I was able to sustain myself to watch the entire races. By the end of 2001, a heartbreak and a good news were in store for me as Kimi came to McLaren and Mika retired from the sport. But I was not as disappointed as I should have been on Mika's retirement because in Kimi I saw every bit of him taking shape or even more.

I am obsessed with Kimi (as some people will also vouch for it). What I like in Kimi or why I like him I don’t know for sure but I can say I liked him from the beginning. The way he drove a sauber to the way he drove at McLaren. Seeing him drive his car was different to anything I had seen in the 3 years I’d seen f1. You could sense the aggression even when the camera shot was from the outside. Even a person watching f1 for the first time could differentiate this kid's style from the others, this was a guy who was pushing his car to the maximum - not his maximum, the car's maximum and that was what set him apart from everybody else. Kimi was too good, a talent that I had never seen before. Mika was a different kind of a driver. Kimi was unique to me (at that time) and I liked him from the word go. It was after liking him and after he moved to McLaren that I started a research on this guy and I liked him more after that. All through 2002, I rooted for the new kid on the block who had turned down Ferrari and chose my team (McLaren) and France was the race that I remember the most. It took me more than a day to let the disappointment sink in. Kimi had become within a lap of becoming the youngest driver to take a race win. But that was not all. Kim’s best drive (drive that had an everlasting effect on me) was in Belgium. He retired from the race with a technical issue but the way he drove in qualifying for the race was amazing. His laps were excellent and considering the circuit and the difficulty involved, along with an experience of less than 50 races ever, Kimi was amazing. And to top it all off, on his first ever qualifying lap in spa for McLaren, Kimi did something that people and columnists around the world will remember whenever they take his name, write columns on him, etc. Kimi drove flat out through eau rouge when it was filled with smoke from an engine failure. To treat a corner; that is considered the best, was considered the most dangerous, and is known for the gradient change; like that definitely shows his BALLS (**** off Mr. Hamilton). That cemented me to Kimi more than ever and I was determined to follow this guy and McLaren for as long as I could. Kimi finished only 6 or 7 races that year and every time he finished (except once) he was in the top 4. Agreed he was nothing in the championship but I took it as a transition year from a slow team to a classic high tech fast car (though it lost out to Ferrari). And never, never for a moment too did I think of supporting Michael Schumacher or Ferrari. He was nothing in my view. A guy who was benefitting from a good car, a reliable team mate and the absence of an experienced rival like Mika. Austria 2002 cemented my opinion on the man (who is nothing to me though he is considered the best - stats are truly misleading!!!)

If France 2002 and Belgium 2002 were a disappointment, then you have no idea what I was feeling by the end of the Japanese grand prix in 2003. It was disappointment of no measure and description. It was so bad that it was then that I realized how obsessed I was with Kimi and f1. Kimi had come within 2 points of becoming the youngest champion ever!! Also I had no idea that in the coming years, I would realize that this guy would have more bitter bad luck and that I could go on writing ‘what ifs’ for pages together. Yet 2003 was a year to cherish as the championship went till the last race courtesy the new points system and kimi’s consistency (and Michelin). Kimi took his first race win; was quick, consistent and mature. In short he really came good with my expectations and rewarded my trust in him. Yet he lost, by 2 puny points. He did everything he could and finished on the podium every time things went ok with the car. He outperformed superior drivers and machines in a car that was built on the 2002 chassis and was never changed during the season. He was the Man of 2003 fighting with a not-so-good car with the best guys and machinery (Ferrari and Williams being considerably faster than his old mclaren) in f1. But he lost – by 2 points. But little did I know that it would be the beginning of the fall.

2004 would be the year that McLaren managed to create the worst car ever in their history. It burned out while idling (waiting with its engine on) and Kimi was definitely in a very bad position. But that year I saw the man in Kimi. I saw positives both in the McLaren team and in Kimi. After being thoroughly raped by the media for their dreadful performances and all, McLaren came up with a new interim chassis by mid season that was competitive (if not the best) and the statement was clear. They were not going to stand and let themselves be raped. The indications could not have started in a more fitting manner. McLaren and Kimi took pole in Silverstone, the team’s home grand prix. And in a year so bad, that would have been a cherishable moment for the former world champions but for Kimi I am sure it wasn’t. You could see that he was a man on a mission that year. His focus and determination were very high and you could sense it when you saw him. 2004 was the year where Kimi was at his best (in terms of motivation). From the moment, the second car was introduced, Kimi was on fire. He was the best of the rest every time his car was able to finish a race and all he needed was a combination of circumstances to snatch a win. And he got them, in Belgium. It was a wet weekend and a tough track. No one would have expected a non-schumi victory given that only Ferrari and Renault had won races and that the treacherous conditions would mean only the best would win. Only Trulli had broken schumi’s winning streak. Apart from that single race in Monaco, Ferrari had won everything and it was not looking any different in Belgium either. Micheal Schumacher was the most successful driver on that track and Ferrari were unbeatable. Qualifying was as expected. The only man to win a race other than in a Ferrari was on pole. It was a very good lap from Trulli and Schumi was alongside. The man I am concerned about, Kimi was down in tenth. Then came Sunday. What a day it was. Kimi won the race. It was an all time display of speed and skill and in the end an inferior McLaren was able to beat a classic Ferrari. And you should have seen the podium celebrations and the post race press conference. Kimi was as if he had proved a point, as they (McLaren) had proved a point and what a joy it was to hear him say “I hope the reporter who challenged us keeps his word” (referring to a journalist who had said he’d run naked around Silverstone if McLaren won a race in 2004). That was the man and that was the drive that eventually led to a political war to get his services at Ferrari. 2004 ended as a year to forget for McLaren but they had not lost all, they had proved a point, Kimi has proved a point, he was not a man to mess with.

2005 was ultimate. McLaren were by far the fastest car given that their engine didn’t blow up and Kimi was the fastest driver on the grid. Still he wasn’t champion, he lost because of an unreliable and short tempered engine that let him down at crucial times denting his championship beyond repair. But he produced some remarkable drives. Notably Monza, Hungary, Monaco, Spain, Nurburgring, France, Britain, German and above all Japan (Details in another post). He was the driver who deserved the championship but he lost. It was disappointment and anger over fate that was far far greater than what I had in 2003. Kimi had lost again despite having the fastest car – because it was unreliable. Alonso had won the championship, not on merit but on pure luck.

2006 was again a bad year and for the first time since his debut, Kimi looked frustrated at mclaren to me. The car was nowhere close to Ferrari and Renault and much faster than the others. So no matter what Kimi did, he was the best of the rest. Maybe that turned him off. Even then he gave a few great drives of aggression and took the fight to Ferrari. McLaren didn’t win a single race that season but Kimi had done everything to make the car win, it was just that the car gave up on him on those occasions (China, Italy, Germany, Hungary etc).

And in 2007, Kimi went to Ferrari and I was left in doldrums. I hated Ferrari and I loved Kimi and I was left to choose between Kimi and McLaren. I did not know what to do. I wanted to support both Kimi and McLaren and that was how I was thinking when I sat before the TV in March 2007. And what a delight it was to see Kimi go 0.9 of a second faster than anybody else or Kimi to win his first race with Ferrari and also set the fastest lap. Kimi had prevailed and so had McLaren. But as the season progressed, I gave up on McLaren. Kimi was finally champion and he was a delight to watch. But this time, it was not because of his aggression. Kimi was different in red overalls and in the Ferrari. He never looked aggressive but mature and controlled, strategic and quick. But he was still the fastest overall and had more wins than the others. Kimi had changed. Was it for the good? I still don’t know. But Kimi had changed and McLaren had changed too and there was nothing I could do. I chose Kimi over McLaren and I have no regrets of not having a favorite team as long as Kimi is there on the grid.

2008 was bad, like some other years in the past but I still like Kimi. I still support him and I don’t want people to talk shit about him. Kimi still prevails over Fernando, Michael or the idiotic Lewis. He is still the best and definitely better than the others mentioned above. The thing that separates Kimi from the rest is his attitude. He never blames his team for a bad car; he never criticizes managements or goes public with this frustration. He never abuses his fellow drivers, never asks for favors. Never disrespects his team mate and always works for the team. No fuss – All performance. Everyone has their negatives, even Kimi has. But his positives outweigh his negatives. I don’t care what people think about him (even he doesn’t), I don’t care what they might say or comment but I will say this – There is only one Kimi and there will never be another Kimi, ever.

Kimi is fun, Kimi is fast, Kimi is strong, and he’s everything other champs are not!! Tell me a driver who has his fun and does what he wants but does not let that affect his on track performance. Tell me a driver who would go to any lengths to make sure he does what he wants and also not break his terms of employment – like dressing up as gorillas for a boat race or changing names to James hunt for a snow mobile race (and go on to beat seasoned professionals!!!)..That is Kimi…he is the best and he will be the best, no matter where he goes... be it f1, rally racing or whatever sport that has an engine that he likes…Kimi will be the best and he will beat the rest because he is the only ICEMAN!!

You'll find more and more kimi on this page but thats nothing compared to what he has given us, the fans of the Iceman!!!

The day the cave was plundered

I had no clue of the triumph that had taken place a couple of kilometers away when i kickstarted (rather electric started) from my home and headed east towards the house where the son of shiva and parvati (or maybe jhansi and rambabu), vighnesh lived. I picked him up (kaise din aa gaye) and started west towards the hangout - a place where it would be news if we didnt meet there.Agreed it was over by the time we reached our destination but even then we had no clue at all. By the time we had entered our room which was absolutely secure and highly closeted from eavesdroppers, a completely unexpected sight met our eyes. Our friend Mohammed (name changed for obvious reasons) was sitting on his table with a i've-lost-everything-but-i-did-whatever-i-could look on his face, his legs stretched wide and with some papers in his hands. Joydeep and Karan were sitting near his legs whereas Viper (names changed again) was moving around enjoying the show. What had happened??

Well there is a cave (shelf for mundane minds) in our hangout(rather a friends house) which contains riches of immense value to all of us. The entry to this cave can be attained only by the person having possession of the unforgeable key. This key is held by the sacred key keeper. There is only one key forged by the gods and not forgeable my man. Mohammed Ali himself is the sacred keykeeper. Now within the depths of this cave lies a treasure, a treasure which contains a lot of things(we knew only a few contents). All of us were curious as to what Mohammed was hiding in there apart from the contents we knew. We waged many wars on the sacred key keeper to gain possession of the key but everytime we lost. We got close but never made it. We even had numerous plans in the pipeline to somehow steal the key without the knowledge of the key keeper. But this key was kept by the key keeper in his possession and at an unreachable place in his body at all times.

Given this situation, we had done whatever we could to satisfy our curiosity. But we had failed till date. Till that fateful day....

My friends had somehow overpowered the key keeper, they had caught him in a alright-whats-the-big-deal-if-you-see-my-cave sort of mood and had used his momentary weakness to overpower him physically (with help from the brother of the key keeper - Endivoi Ali) and not only extract the key but open the cave in his presence. They had plundered the cave and explored its contents. It was in such a situation that we had entered the battlefield.

The cave had been won, the secrets revealed (not to you but to us). But there was still the paper in his hand that we had to know about. And finally the key keeper gave in. With a you-did-it-only-because -i-allowed-you-to sort of a look, he gave us the paper too..

It was a victory of unimaginable proporations. We had done it finally....but was this a victory to cherish???

The key keeper is not the key keeper only because he holds the keys, he is THE key keeper. He holds our secrets, our resources, our achievements and he can do anything with them...


hoping for good times and peace with the key keeper...

Amen!!

KERS or Curse

The biggest change in rules in formula one history, as it is being tipped is about to be seen in 2009. We, unfortunately or fortunately, are going to witness it even if we like it or not. But are these rule changes going to make the sport more viewer friendly? More exciting? More spectacular? – Your guess is as good as mine.

Formula one has seen major developments in technological terms in all areas of the sport during the years 1998 to 2006. If one compares the cars prior to that period to those that were designed during the period, they can see many visible changes in the cars. In a sport, where changes to the car that can never be perceived until you take a closer look, strikingly distinguishable changes in the appearance of the cars is indeed a big change. The cars were getting quicker and quicker, the tyres getting enough grip despite the fact that they were now grooved and the engines getting better and better all the time. One team that truly took advantage in this era was Ferrari. The team was unbeatable during that phase. Though it lost out in 2005 and 2006, one would agree that they were untouchable in that era and everybody was trying to catch Ferrari. No matter what the rule change, they still managed to stay ahead of everyone. By the end of 2004, when it had won another constructors trophy and Micheal Schumacher had dominated the season in ways never heard before, there was no reason to believe that the same team would struggle in 2005. But it was not to be. The radical rule changes including two race engines and a ban on tyre changes together with changes in the formats to qualifying had finally taken their toll on Ferrari. The team struggled to match the pace of Mclaren and Renault and were forced to battle it out in the midfield. But with the new rule changes drawing flak from most quarters and the resulting change to rules that were similar to those before 2005, Ferrari were back in 2006. Though it was not enough to win them the championships, Ferrari has once again proved that they should not be written off.

But an even bigger challenge came to the team in 2007. With no Ross Brawn or Micheal Schumacher, the team had only Jean Todt (staying to avoid another ig change) and an amateur Felipe Massa. Kimi Raikkonen was the MAN to replace Micheal (or rather the reason for Micheal’s departure). Even though considered the fastest driver on the grid even today, Kimi had a daunting task ahead of him with a team that he was new to, a team that was coping with change and a car that had very different charecteristics from that of his Mclaren, which was suited to him in all ways except for its reliability and a underperforming engine. But he came out on top and helped his team secure both the championships, after 2 long years. The team won the constructors trophy in 2008 but they were never at their potential. They underperformed but won only because the others had underperformed even more badly.

The point is, is this the stage in formula 1, is this the point where we are about to see a change in the balance of power. We have seen it happen all the time – a team dominates proceedings, reaches its peak and then falls away. It is something unavoidable. Is Ferrari getting there? Are they falling away? Is Mclaren making a comeback after a decade and almost 2 decades bar 98 and 99? Only time will tell. But the indications are there. Ferrari are yet to test their 2009 spec wings and the KERS. With a rule change of this magnitude coming up and the ban on in season testing, a winning team would not waste test mileage on endurance and set up work. While most of its competitors are out on track testing KERS and the new aerodynamic regulations, Ferrari are doing endurance runs in a car fitted with slicks and simulated 2009 aero levels, which is hardly what you’d expect. So is KERS the answer to the question that has been bowling out the best of the experts from a long long time “When are Ferrari going to fall away?”. There’s only one way to know……gentlemen start your engines!!!!

Sometimes you have to look at the necessity rather than the ability

Well I wasn’t really bothered till recently, just leading my life like a blunt instrument with a blind will that things would go back to normal as soon as the opportune moment came. But when? I didn’t know, I never had an indication either. Then come moments in your life when you feel like if it is really necessary to push all these things down on your priority list – especially in my case.

My life changed after my tenth class results as you all know. Now when I look back, I find my reaction silly and my decisions funny but I chose to become what I am today and doesn’t matter what the ifs and buts would have given me or landed me in. More importantly, it was the point in my life where I had to part ways with my friends. I knew it would happen but no matter what you know it would never prepare you for the day when you realize the fact that you will no longer be able to go to the class with them and have the fun that you had till that day. Fortunately, we parted ways only to the extent of the classes and not outside them. And all through my +2, my friends were patient and caring. They never pestered over the fact that I rarely met them or that I forgot birthdays and skipped outings. They never pecked me for being what I was. Instead they realized why I was unable to do all those things with them. They knew that I was going to college from 730 to 2230 and that I hardly stayed at home. Even holidays (including public and strikes, bandhs) were of no significance as they never really seemed to bother either my lecturers or my college management and in days when its hard to find true friends I had people around me who understood my position and never bothered me with unnecessary complications. Moreover, they welcomed me warmly and made me forget all this when I was with them. Day after day I led a dual life, killing my instincts for mischief and humour, leading a sober and low profile students life until the day came when I decided to finally tell the world that I was not going to join engineering. No one believed me when I told them that. Some well wishers even decided to force the shit (as per them) out of me, make me see sense. But I was not prepared to listen to anyone. I had decided to do what I liked. And who were the ones behind me – my family and my friends. No one else. Come to think of it, it really didn’t matter what others felt as long as these people were with me. So I jumped ship into a completely new world again and this world was the worst I’d seen.

I didn’t let the unnecessary things bother me because I found friends again in this new world despite it being bad. These people were again like my school friends, not pestering me and understanding what I did. I somehow missed such company in my +2 years. My friends there were more different. They never really understood my position maybe because they don’t have a complete insight into a CA student’s routine. They misunderstood me for avoiding them, which is far from the truth.

So as my life goes on like a log in a river, not knowing what lies ahead, what do I have that I can rely on – my school friends. And what happened recently made me think…..

They ask me to come to a trip.. I tell them I’ll do it and then I don’t show up because of office. What’s the consequence? Nothing. They’ll be the same good guys. They’ll play gentlemen again and be good to me. But how long will this go on? When all of them can do things we always do, what am I doing sitting in office? For my age and regular habits…for what I am inside…what have I done to myself…why did I choose this path…why am I picking the wrath of my +2 friends…why am I missing these small things…is this necessary? Is this what I bargained for? Is this what I will be forever?


Anta philosophy ledu…but just a thought ante….asalu em jarugutondi naa jeevitamlo!!!