Poyosta bidyah!!!

My first post in more than 2 years!!! (Probably my last too)

Well I know no one reads this, so no point saying hello, right? Anyways this blog has been and will be staying moribund as far as I can see it. I have no idea why I started it or what I was writing. I do have my old notes but then there’s just no way I can reconstruct what I was thinking back then. From the look of things, I was talking mainly about Kimi and my trip (which is more of a cherished memory now), among other things. Some things I’ve written make me laugh but I guess that’s normal when people look back at things they’ve done.

All I can say is that a blog is the last of my priorities at this point of time. Yet I don’t think I should delete this cause I wanna look back at this someday. And in any case, facebook makes this place absolutely redundant.

So, until I find a better use for this, this is Sandeep – signing off…

Ode to the Nice Guys

This rant was written for the Wharton Undergraduate Journal

This is a tribute to the nice guys. The nice guys that finish last, that never become more than friends, that endure hours of whining and bitching about what assholes guys are, while disproving the very point. This is dedicated to those guys who always provide a shoulder to lean on but restrain themselves to tentative hugs, those guys who hold open doors and give reassuring pats on the back and sit patiently outside the changing room at department stores. This is in honor of the guys that obligingly reiterate how cute/beautiful/smart/funny/sexy their female friends are at the appropriate moment, because they know most girls need that litany of support. This is in honor of the guys with open minds, with laid-back attitudes, with honest concern. This is in honor of the guys who respect a girl’s every facet, from her privacy to her theology to her clothing style.

This is for the guys who escort their drunk, bewildered female friends back from parties and never take advantage once they’re at her door, for the guys who accompany girls to bars as buffers against the rest of the creepy male population, for the guys who know a girl is fishing for compliments but give them out anyway, for the guys who always play by the rules in a game where the rules favor cheaters, for the guys who are accredited as boyfriend material but somehow don’t end up being boyfriends, for all the nice guys who are overlooked, underestimated, and unappreciated, for all the nice guys who are manipulated, misled, and unjustly abandoned, this is for you.

This is for that time she left 40 urgent messages on your cell phone, and when you called her back, she spent three hours painstakingly dissecting two sentences her boyfriend said to her over dinner. And even though you thought her boyfriend was a chump and a jerk, you assured her that it was all ok and she shouldn’t worry about it. This is for that time she interrupted the best killing spree you’d ever orchestrated in GTA3 to rant about a rumor that romantically linked her and the guy she thinks is the most repulsive person in the world. And even though you thought it was immature and you had nothing against the guy, you paused the game for two hours and helped her concoct a counter-rumor to spread around the floor. This is also for that time she didn’t have a date, so after numerous vows that there was nothing “serious” between the two of you, she dragged you to a party where you knew nobody, the beer was awful, and she flirted shamelessly with you, justifying each fit of reckless teasing by announcing to everyone: “oh, but we’re just friends!” And even though you were invited purely as a symbolic warm body for her ego, you went anyways. Because you’re nice like that.

The nice guys don’t often get credit where credit is due. And perhaps more disturbing, the nice guys don’t seem to get laid as often as they should. And I wish I could logically explain this trend, but I can’t. From what I have observed on campus and what I have learned from talking to friends at other schools and in the workplace, the only conclusion I can form is that many girls are just illogical, manipulative bitches. Many of them claim they just want to date a nice guy, but when presented with such a specimen, they say irrational, confusing things such as “oh, he’s too nice to date” or “he would be a good boyfriend but he’s not for me” or “he already puts up with so much from me, I couldn’t possibly ask him out!” or the most frustrating of all: “no, it would ruin our friendship.” Yet, they continue to lament the lack of datable men in the world, and they expect their too-nice-to-date male friends to sympathize and apologize for the men that are jerks. Sorry, guys, girls like that are beyond my ability to fathom. I can’t figure out why the connection breaks down between what they say (I want a nice guy!) and what they do (I’m going to sleep with this complete ass now!). But one thing I can do, is say that the nice-guy-finishes-last phenomenon doesn’t last forever. There are definitely many girls who grow out of that train of thought and realize they should be dating the nice guys, not taking them for granted. The tricky part is finding those girls, and even trickier, finding the ones that are single.

So, until those girls are found, I propose a toast to all the nice guys. You know who you are, and I know you’re sick of hearing yourself described as ubiquitously nice. But the truth of the matter is, the world needs your patience in the department store, your holding open of doors, your party escorting services, your propensity to be a sucker for a pretty smile. For all the crazy, inane, absurd things you tolerate, for all the situations where you are the faceless, nameless hero, my accolades, my acknowledgement, and my gratitude go out to you. You do have credibility in this society, and your well deserved vindication is coming.

Fu-zu Jen, SEAS/WH, 2003

Its amazing how one’s life can be compared to a wave. I remember this ultimate line from Jurassic Park (the book of course). I like Micheal Crichton a lot. It’s a shame he had to die so soon. The way he writes his books is amazing. Any man with a basic scientific knowledge can understand everything. Not that his concepts are simple but because he explains everything so clearly. Its as if he is writing a manual for a particular process – in this case, the manufacture of Dinosaurs (rather, as it turns out to be, animals like dinosaurs but not actually dinosaurs). Its convincing enough to try it!!!

Anyway coming back to the line I was mentioning. It goes like this – Alan Grant and Ian Malcolm are on their way back to the visitor’s centre after seeing the Stego and unveiling the fundamental flaw of the park – the animals breeding and Raptors being lose. Just before they find out how the animals were getting off the island (I don’t wanna spoil the fun for you guys)), Malcolm and Alan talk like this : (Read it carefully and with heart)

Driving back in the fading light, Malcolm seemed oddly subdued. Grant said, "You must feel vindicated. About your theory."

"As a matter of fact, I'm feeling a bit of dread. I suspect we are at a very dangerous point."

"Why?"

"Intuition."

"Do mathematicians believe in intuition?"

"Absolutely. Very important, intuition. Actually, I was thinking of fractals," Malcolm said.
"You know about fractals?"

Grant shook his head. "Not really, no."

"Fractals are a kind of geometry, associated with a man named Mandelbrot. Unlike ordinary Euclidean geometry that everybody learns in school-squares and cubes and spheres-fractal geometry appears to describe real objects in the natural world. Mountains and clouds are fractal shapes. So fractals are probably related to reality. Somehow.”

"Well, Mandelbrot found a remarkable thing with his geometric tools. He found that things looked almost identical at different scales."

"At different scales?" Grant said.

"For example," Malcolm said, "a big mountain, seen from far away, has a certain rugged
mountain shape. If you get closer, and examine a small peak of the big mountain, it will have the same mountain shape. In fact, you can go all the way down the scale to a tiny speck of rock, seen under a microscope-it will have the same basic fractal shape as the big mountain."

"I don't really see why this is worrying you," Grant said. He yawned. He smelled the sulfur fumes of the volcanic steam. They were coming now to the section of road that ran near the coastline, overlooking the beach and the ocean.

"It's a way of looking at things," Malcolm said. "Mandelbrot found a sameness from the
smallest to the largest. And this sameness of scale also occurs for events."

"Events?"

"Consider cotton prices," Malcolm said. "There are good records of cotton prices going back
more than a hundred years. When you study fluctuations in cotton prices, you find that the graph of price fluctuations in the course of a day looks basically like the graph for a week, which looks basically like the graph for a year, or for ten years. And that's how things are. A day is like a whole life. You start out doing one thing, but end up doing something else, plan to run an errand, but never get there. . . . And at the end of your life, your whole existence has that same haphazard quality, too. Your whole life has the same shape as a single day."

"I guess it's one way to look at things," Grant said.

"No," Malcolm said. "It's the only way to look at things. At least, the only way that is true to reality. You see, the fractal idea of sameness carries within it an aspect of recursion, a kind of doubling back on itself, which means that events are unpredictable. That they can change suddenly, and without warning."

"Okay . . ."

"But we have soothed ourselves into imagining sudden change as something that happens
outside the normal order of things. An accident, like a car crash. Or beyond our control, like a fatal illness. We do not conceive of sudden, radical, irrational change as built into the very fabric of existence. Yet it is. And chaos theory teaches us," Malcolm said, "that straight linearity, which we have come to take for granted in everything from physics to fiction, simply does not exist. Linearity is an artificial way of viewing the world. Real life isn't a series of interconnected events occurring one after another like beads strung on a necklace. Life is actually a series of encounters in which one event may change those that follow in a wholly unpredictable, even devastating way." Malcolm sat back in his seat, looking toward the other Land Cruiser, a few yards ahead. "That's a deep truth about the structure of our universe. But, for some reason, we insist on behaving as if it were not true."


Actually every word spoken by Malcolm in the book is a masterpiece. But there’s no point in me putting it all here. If you had read the above conversation closely, you would understand why I kind of remembered that line when I said that life is amazingly comparable to a wave. Actually, come to think of it, life can only be compared to a wave – cause nothing else can incorporate the beautiful and terrible dynamics of this ever changing variable called life in a more apt manner. (lets argue on this!!!) [ kuncham ekkuvaindemo!!! ;) ]

I mean every part of anyone’s life can be compared to a wave. You have ups and downs, you have turbulence and unexpected weather – tsunamis, cyclones, everything – its just how you define the events that fall into each category. But at the end of the day, every event will fall into one category or another. I am too young to take this concept further, but I am sure one day some yogi on some dais will use this metaphor and he may even go on to say that death is when the wave breaks down completely on the shore and to take it to even a more extreme comparison – the waves being pushed back again and again as afterlife and stuff…but that’s not my point.

My point is that you could apply this fractal philosophy to all events and occurrences in your wave (i.e., life) and you will see that it remarkably fits into it. Life is basically the same wave again and again. Starting from a highly successful person to an utter failure in life, his wave will have the same basic shape at different scales. Amazing!!! (P.S: Thanks ra Aslesh!!! You gave me a wonderful habit)

But the most beautiful part is that these waves of our lives are controllable. At the end of the day, its how you control and learn from them that differentiates you from the rest.

A person who failed in life will have the same failed shape wave throughout his life; A person who is successful will have the same successful wave shape; a haphazard person will have the same shape every day. It’s the same no matter what example you take. We take things lite and say one bad day doesn’t change everything, but if you are having bad days on a trot (bad meaning unsatisfactory) then its time to reboot your system, sit back and think of where you are heading – cause fractals speak of whats gonna come. If you let these unsatisfactory days to happen again and again, you will never be able to stop them and one fine day when you are 70 years old and sitting on a cool evening in your verandah thinking of your life – you’ll find that you are not satisfied with your life – and you are responsible for it as you let your average day take that unsatisfactory shape. Because your entire life has the same fractal shape as a single day in your life – that’s what mathematics teaches us.

So keep fractals in your mind – don’t let the waves control you but go on and control the waves to get satisfaction – cause once you lose control over the shape of a single unit (unit changes depending on the scale in question) – be it a day, a year, so on ; you’ve lost it.

I’ll leave it to you to decide which side you wanna be on, on that cool evening in question…..


And more importantly, as one uglyduckling Deepak quoted recently – “its not knowing and planning that matter – its implementation”…..

Oh Motivation...You magnificent beast!!!

Motivation – it’s a funny thing. Atleast I find it that way. I would say it’s the driving factor for life. No matter what or where a person is, if he has no motivation then he can never do anything. Success or failure is a different thing but without motivation, he can barely start on anything. Even if he does things, he never does them the way he expects from himself or the way he usually does. No matter what the peers rate him, even if its high, he never gets the satisfaction of doing something. After all, its his satisfaction that matters because without it, he slowly kills his soul. I don’t know what the experts say as I don’t read all that motivational crap but I can say this and argue on it anytime.

Hatred drove me for a major part of my life (life till now i.e., :P). It was hatred that drove me to my goal. It was hatred that gave me satisfaction. It was hatred and anger that kept me awake and focused. Nah!! I am not a terrorist or a rebel. But yes, hatred drove me. Hatred gave me recognition, fame and knowledge. Hatred made me beat everything that was thrown at me, except 2 things. But that’s insignificant compared to the remaining part. I was always on the alert and ready to fight. Infact, I think I love hatred. I miss it so much. With it, things would have been excellent – much better than the “very good” that they are now. I can say that that part of my life when hatred drove me was by far the most satisfying. I had everything back then – fun, motivation, affection, friends, gurus, mentors, coaches, everything.

I hated some people in my life back then. Hated them so much that I would do whatever I could, to beat them, to see them being proved wrong, to see them lose, to see them remorse for their doings (or words). I often made them feel that way and I was good at it. That was my goal and I never wavered from it no matter what other activities I did. I was able to do everything that I wanted and still be able to make them feel that way. There was still so much free time. And whatever that came to me in the process was not what I was looking at. – it was only seeing them proved wrong. Today, I feel it was good that way. I was alert all the time, waiting for them to make a mistake, looking for a chance to pounce on them – but now….. I don’t care…..

Because after sometime, I decided to give up on hatred. Partly because of the persistent counseling given by people of hatred being bad and etc etc and partly because I felt that things other than hatred would motivate me better. I saw cases where love and affection drove people better than hatred and I thought love or affection would drive me better too. But that was not all, there was actually no one to hate anymore. I did not hate my competitors cause they were my friends and they had nothing in them to hate. Also I didn’t want to hate others cause I had changed now. Not that I liked them but I didn’t care them anymore. It didn’t matter what they thought or rated. It didn’t matter at all. All that mattered was my satisfaction and me beating my own self. That was mostly because of me idolizing Kimi more than anything else. His attitude towards the outside world was too good not to adopt. That was what changed me. I decided to hell with the outside world. It was my insides and how they felt that mattered. And for that I chose to motivate myself with love, affection and attachment.

The problem was I didn’t find them enough. Rather whatever I have in terms of love in my life was and is not giving me as much fuel to burn my fire as hatred used to give me. That might also be because of me idolizing Kimi. Maybe I am too detached from the outside world. Maybe I need to get back to what I was. I know I cant stay in this cocoon for long. Its not good for me and I need to change because I am sure it will become irreversible after sometime. Unfortunately there is nothing to draw me out of this. I thought I had found something recently that might do it but it was actually a mirage that turned out to be nothing when I tried to grab it. I really thought it could change my life by changing my motivation but I was wrong, again. Now I can neither hate it or love it cause it was never the thing that I thought it was. I was not looking at it properly. It was a trick of the mind.

Hatred was like rocket fuel and love is like Extra Premium or Shell Super. There is a lot of difference in the energy output of these two fuels and I can sense it. December 2004 was when I changed fuels and its been 4 years since I have done something that has satisfied me. I regret it and I don’t think I did the right thing back then. I want to change things and I have one last chance to do it. I have decided to do it with this low energy fuel to motivate me cause I don’t even have a choice as I know that it will take a miracle or something of that type to bring so much extra love for something/someone in my life that would motivate me as much as hatred used. I don’t believe in miracles as statistics speak for themselves. So there’s no reason to believe that will happen. I have to do good with what I have and make the best of the situation, make sure I reach my destination and don’t end up in the middle of nowhere…..because if I wont be able to do what I’ve set out to do than it will definitely hurt me….

Will I find some extra love, affection, attachment to motivate me and will I be able to get everything other than hatred back into me only time will tell….will I reach my destination or will my tank run empty????

Even I don’t know……

Chapter 4 - The Journey Continues

Its really amazing to note the difference in ease with which an ordinary person can notice the technical details of an aircraft with an increase in size of the plane. When you think of it, it seems obvious but to sit there and notice for the first time after you’ve read about them and you know about them and all the time, tried to visualize them, its an exciting prospect. Sitting in the Boeing 777(thinking of A340 or 330. I like Airbus over Boeing), I was feeling something similar. I had been on planes on a number of occasions before but they were all small ones – an A321 or a Boeing 737. Comparing their dimensions and interiors to this fuselage would be like comparing a Hum-V to a hatchback like Alto. I was too small to notice anything the last time I had boarded a considerably big plane. Now, sitting there in the middle of the plane on row 45 and looking at the wing assembly, I was at awe. All that I saw till that day on domestic planes was nothing compared to what I was looking at. I always have the habit of looking at parts and trying to make out what they do or to identify parts that I knew and there it was - a feast for my eyes. You could easily make out the flaps, ailerons and other control surfaces. And the plane itself was noticeably much more refined and well insulated than their domestic counterparts. It was like a child’s dream come true and I really can’t put in words how much I liked that. It was amazing – the smoothness, the complexity and the sheer brilliance of aircraft making, something that has a lot of similarities to f1 car aerodynamics. But as we finished taxiing and started waiting for our ATC clearance at the end of the runway, I could see lots of people sitting on the airport walls and on the small hillock just adjacent to the airport wall. There were small houses too on this hillock in typical Mumbai style. They were all watching at the planes taking off and I was uncomfortable with their proximity to the planes because they were directly in their slipstreams and in the wake of their engines. It was just too risky for them to lead their daily lives in such a place. Few days down the line and a déjà vu feeling hit me when I read a news bit that said that a few houses were blown away in the turbulent wake of an aircraft. It was an incident waiting to happen.

We took off and headed towards Gujarat and Pakistan and it was a pleasant flight and luckily it wasn’t raining by the time I took off (I couldn’t afford delays…not now!!). Over Arabian Sea and Pakistan and finally the physical exhaustion of the last few days finally started to show on me. The in flight entertainment system was no longer entertaining and the movie was now a stretch (It was 10,000 B.C). We were over Dubai and I decided to look outside for some time. I always thought the desert would be a barren yellow-brown stretch of land but it was far from that. It was actually very beautiful and awesome to look at (from 38K feet atleast :P). It had these beautiful patterns and connect-the-dots kind of art and it was good fun over the desert (Ship, dog, cat, ship, heart :P). Then came the black sea. OK it wasn’t black but it was huge. I mistook its dimensions. It took about 3 hours for us to cross it and you could never see land around. After the desert, this was very boring. The movie was also over and there was really nothing to make me stay awake and watch water water and more dark water. I dozed off over the black sea and I really didn’t care what I would miss seeing or not playing games or watching movies. Exhaustion beat excitement and body won over the brain!!!

I woke up some 2 and half hours later and the black sea was still beneath us, the only difference being I could see Europe now. We had almost crossed the sea and were about to enter Europe. It was a delight to me and the sleep had also made me feel better. There was still about 4 hours to go and that was a lot of time to watch a movie. Some might say it was the sleep but I don’t think so – whatever the reason, Europe was stunningly beautiful from above when compared to everything that I had seen till that day from the air. The sun was milder and brighter, the air was clear and the clouds were excellent (abbahh itla manchiga uhh uhh). It was a dream world – absolute delight to the eyes. Forget the movie, the world was out there. I already started to feel lucky to be able to fly over Europe during the day (as most fly at night). There were so many things to see. Hills, rivers, dams, towns or cities, roads or rails (difficult to differentiate), airports and greenery in all directions – you could see everything. It was amazing and it also sparked off a desire to go there some time. I dreamt of settling there with a small house near some hill and enjoy life till it ends (question is if I’d be alone or not). It was all nice and pleasant after the black sea. It was as if I had woken up in a different world. Things had taken a U turn after we crossed it. Things were much brighter and less gloomier than before it. But it was when we were over Austria and nearing Vienna that the real action started. Something that I had only hoped for, but never really thought would happen (like many other things) had happened. It just happened like that with no prior indications (as if indications were possible!!). But it really did take me by surprise. It took me a minute to let it sink in and I was completely alert after that, waiting for it to happen again. A plane had just flown head on to ours with less than a thousand feet horizontal separation and maybe 500 to 1000 feet vertical (di dikki di dikki di dikki). I was not ready for it and that was the only reason I had not noticed the paintwork and the airline logos. Otherwise, one could easily read them on the other plane at that distance. I was determined to read it the next time it happened. I had expected this as I knew it was normal over Europe for planes to fly above, below, side by side, etc but it never occurred to me that they could fly head on in opposite directions. It was unnerving to imagine things going wrong at close to sound speed but at the same time it was kick ass stuff…Awesome!!

There were many occasions after that where I was able to see planes. Unfortunately I was never really able to read the airline names due to the relative speed I guess though some of them like Swiss air, Virgin and Lufthansa were recognizable due to their paintwork. On one occasion I had 3 planes at the same time in my small oval window. That was how much fun it was. You could see another plane easily in these clear sunny skies. They would shine and almost all of them would look black when seen from far. Then they would get closer and closer and some of them would then go down and bank to the right and disappear under the plane, others would rise and bank and fly over the plane. Others would just go away and away till they were no longer visible. And to see all of that was truly breath-taking. And on four occasions, there were planes going in the opposite direction almost on the same vertical level and pretty close. But the moment to cherish was somewhere over Frankfurt. I don’t know if it was the main airport or not but the GPS showed Frankfurt nonetheless. We were flying over an airport (40000 feet) and you could see below you all these planes lining up for approach (to land i.e.,) one after another in a straight line and others taking off and turning, the airport buildings and the runways (and some planes big enough to spot) and its here that all long distance flight that don’t stop at this airport stay at a higher flight level (like ours) to clear airspace for planes landing and taking off – so u get to see more planes flying along with you or dart past in the opposite direction. So it was quite a busy time for my eyes. One misconception I had was broken on this flight though. I always thought that the white streaks left behind by the planes that one can see from the ground as they flew high were made by smoke from the engines or something like that. As I learned more and more about aircrafts, it looked ridiculous to me. But I was never able to think of why they were formed. I got my answer over Europe. It is actually formed as a plane cuts through the layer of cloud at high altitude. I guess this flat layer forms at an altitude above which clouds don’t form, like a boundary. Atleast that was what I felt when I saw a neighboring plane do it (as I couldn’t see whats behind my plane!!!). Its like a plane cuts through clouds and disrupts the layer creating these streaks until they reset again. Once we crossed Austria and till we reached London, there were planes and planes everywhere. Even when I was in London, all I could see were planes. Its hard to digest even when you know its common.

Over Germany, France and the Netherlands and there we were crossing the English channel. It was also good to look at, atleast from the sky. Boats crossing the channel and England on one side with Europe on the other. You can actually see both shores and it’s a picturesque sight. It took only about half an hour from Paris to London but it took about an hour to find space to land in Heathrow. As the plane circled the town in twister type circles going down then up and then again down, I got a birds eye view of the city that ruled our country for centuries. The houses were all organized and stereotype – as if someone had copy pasted everything. The cricket grounds were full of people playing in whites (padathi padathi). Most football grounds were empty except for one stadium in which some rock show was going on. One would get an impression of a properly organized city right from the first sight of the city and its really commendable for a mega city to be organized (unlike in our case). Anyways every place has its pluses and negatives. And while awaiting permission to land, I could once again feel the cut-throat job that was air trafficking and aircraft piloting. Every time our plane banked right or left, you could see another Virgin Atlantic Airbus A340 on the left (my side) and some other plane on the right. It meant there were (as far as I could see) 3 planes doing circles in the same flight path one after the other going up and down till the runway cleared. It could be imagined as a hurricane type spiral having planes moving around its outer edges in circles from top to the bottom and then up again. And all this time you could see planes taking off and flying away from London. What a high pressure job that would be. After sometime, I couldn’t see the Virgin Atlantic anymore and I got the reason for that soon as we began our final approach towards the runway at Heathrow. As we landed, I was as excited as ever. We were going past the British Airways section (as I call it) and then on and on and finally we reached our bay and parked right beside a Virgin Boeing 747-400. There I was, in London, less than 36 hours since I had received my visa and that seemed like ages ago. Jetta!!!!

I never really got the dimensions of Heathrow on my trip. The return journey helped a bit, and so did Google earth after that, but it wasn’t clear to me when I was there. I walked a long long distance to the immigration queues full of Chinkies and firangis (there was a school that had brought its students on excursion too!!! All of them ching ping pong types listening to chinki music on our jagdish market quality mp3 players) and all and I didn’t like the fact that people with US and European passports had separate lines and virtually no fuss at all. I saw other people being questioned and verified and all. Finally it was my turn and I really had no problem getting through (well the clerk was a girl..so that’s understandable). There were so many warning boards around and instructions not to give false information. I remember one - “Blah blah we can now access and obtain complete information on an immigrant even before he steps into our country blah blah” – Jason Bourne, Minority Report types. But the thought of non authorized access was something. The rest of it was ok but I had lot of things on my mind along with taking in the surroundings (which were not spectacular by the way). It’s the same everywhere. One different thing would be the quantum of information and indications and other stuff like that. If you would pick up a guy used to so much information at display, he would not go from Kothapet to Dilsukhnagar (or Kachiguda to Narayanaguda) properly. For us, we won’t even bother to read (frankly, there’s too much information at places) cause that’s implied. But in many ways, information is always useful. Then finally after so many hours of flying at close to speed of sound, I was walking towards my brother – the hero of the story….I had done it and I was going to meet Kimi – the man who made me travel this far (though he did not sponsor my trip :-P, that credit goes to someone else)!!!!

Chapter 3 - The Journey Begins

24 hours ago I was sleeping (though not peacefully), 18 hours ago I was calling the embassy and the travel agent, 16 hours ago I got a call from the embassy asking me to collect my visa in person from them, 14 hours ago I was paying for my ticket, less than 12 hours ago I was shopping, 10 hours ago I was packing, less than 6 hours ago I finalized everything and went to sleep and there I was sitting in a car going towards the Shamshabad International Airport. It was hard to believe what was happening and harder still to suppress my excitement. Forget being Icy. This was it, the moment to cherish. Was this true or was this a dream? Was this really happening? Had I done everything correctly? Was everything right? Because even at this stage there was no margin for error. One tiny mistake and everything would be gone as abruptly as it had happened. But after going though so much and having dragged it this far, there could not be any more mistakes (??).

Once again, my family, friends and their wishes and prayers coupled with my luck and fate had done wonders for me. I had not even had the time to call everyone and tell them what had happened because I did not have enough time to even pack properly. Everything happened in the nick of time and at the last possible moment. But what mattered was that they HAD happened. It no longer mattered what tension I had to go through, nor the effort that went into it. It no longer bothered me how I packed or if I had forgotten anything, all that mattered was that I was going to see Kimi, I was going to see formula 1 and I was going out of the country, something that I had thought impossible.

I was making calls left, right and centre and telling everyone what had happened, though briefly. Even though I did it till the last moment, even from Mumbai, I was unable to call everyone but I had asked people to pass on the message. It was a shock for some of them as it had happened unexpectedly. Others thought I was playing a bad joke waking them up so early in the morning. Some might have even took it for a dream. But it was real and happening!!. For those who knew it all along, it was a relief I guess. They felt happy for me and they knew it would be gross injustice if I wasn’t given a visa (and in time). I knew I left it a little too late but still I didn’t deserve to be rejected.

As I waited outside the airport with my parents, I could not help thinking of all the things that my Family had given me. They never said no to what I wanted and they never imposed themselves on me. They always gave me my freedom, my own space. They always let me do what I liked and they never blamed me for the consequences or took credit for the good. They were always there to support me and let me make my decisions and chose my paths. They would only tell me the plusses and negatives of a path before I chose it and once I was on it, no matter how radical my paths were or what outsiders thought, it never really bothered them as long as I liked what I was doing.

The airport was huge and much better than Begumpet (bound to be!!). It’s an airy, glass structure with apparent security drawbacks and having much larger capacity than what Hyderabad was offering to the airlines. Nonetheless, an iconic airport would definitely boost Hyderabad’s image and help it to cope with the ever increasing air traffic (until the global crisis i.e.,). A good airport always helps.

My luggage was underweight and everyone around me was the opposite. The check in counter clerk was absolutely surprised and excited about it (don’t know why). Hello!! Calm down dude, that’s all I could manage to pack. He wanted to know if I was going on an office trip but I told him I was going to visit my brother. Come to think of it now he was much better and co-operative than his counterpart in Heathrow. He gave me the best seat possible for the international leg and I thank him for that (you don’t get what u ask or expect generally)!!!

8 o clock and the Jet airways flight to Mumbai was ready to leave. It had arrived late and was going to be late by half an hour. But one funny thing that caught my eye from the you-can-see-everything waiting lounge was our runway. Its strange and out of my reach to understand why the runway is inclined. Planes have to land on a downward slope. I happen to mention it to some people and it always made us laugh to imagine a pilot and the plane in a telugu movie comedy scene dropping down on landing and running down the incline before taking off. You might say it helps pick up speed but that’s senseless. These things have jet engines. They don’t need inclines!!!

Some time later, I was in Mumbai with my friend from Powai (Oxford returned :-P) waiting to meet me there. It was drizzling when we landed but it was raining like hell by the time I got into the shuttle bus. From that moment on, it rained virtually everywhere I went. It was very heavy with the runway getting flooded but that wouldn’t bother me as long as my plane was on time. Changing terminals was boring (despite me being on the phone with my friends) and unorganized due to unscheduled delays but as soon as I saw Eddy’s (I hope that u have read enough to know that it’s a name changed) familiar face, it was like Alex finding a living human in Madagascar (hypothetically). I had thought I’d have a lot of time to wait in Mumbai but I was wrong. The delays had left me with only 15 minutes to talk to my friend and crib on how dirty the place was. I had to go into immigration and I bade him good bye. After going smoothly through everything, I was left with 1.5 hour to wait for my flight. Luckily though, I had to wait only for about half an hour before boarding. I was more than happy to spend it talking to my parents, brother and continuing my conversation by sms with my very special friend back home. I took on record the last minute wish (gift) lists from everyone and got on board. It was finally the moment of truth and after all of this, there could be just one final hurdle between me and the British GP under normal circumstances – the immigration clerk in Heathrow. Unless he/she kicked me out of his country, there was no one to stop me from meeting Kimi (assuming everything else like the technical details of the plane were all normal!!) with the exception of God. But He made all this happen and I had a gut feeling that he wouldn’t be that insensitive to make a miracle happen first and then kill me :-P. After all, Gods are good and I was not in a Norton N-22(Source: Airframe)(Though Boeing is synonymous to Norton to me)!!. So in all probability, I was in safe hands. (P.S You’d realize the depth of the above sentences if you watch Air Crash Investigation on NGC. P.S continued: You wouldn’t want to board flights once you start watching it…it’s a deathtrap up there...hahahaha….Can’t help if u didn’t get the joke..)

Here we go then to meet the ICEMAN!!

Chapter 2 - Obsession

There are 2 adjectives that can define a person's liking towards something - love and obsession. Before you jump to conclusions, I am talking of sport (here atleast). You can find people who love a sport, follow it, etc etc and you can also find people who are obsessed with a sport. These people take their love for the sport to another level altogether. While people who love a sport limit themselves to an extent, people obsessed with it have no self imposed limits. They take fandom to an entirely new level.

As far as I am concerned, I am obsessed with Kimi (not f1). Kimi has been in my mind for as long as I can remember (from 2001 I suppose), he has been in my thoughts for the same duration and I don’t see him getting out in the near future. Kimi has given me such ineffable emotions that can only be savored.

I am into a career that in my view will not take me beyond the borders of this country. In fact, I had accepted that as a given fact. I had committed myself to the fact that I would in all probability never leave this country. But things started to change as I entered my articles. That was when I actually applied for a passport (for our offsite which never happened). So I ended up with a passport of new use (in my opinion) as I would never (i.e., in the foreseeable future leave the country). But if only I knew what the future had in store for me!!

Kimi won the championship in 2007 and I was more desperate than ever in his admiration. And then there was a fact that he would not stay in f1 for long and that he would never take part in the Indian GP (which would supposedly happen in 2011). I had this one chance to exploit, one and only chance to ever get to meet him in person and that was in July 2008 – British GP (cause my brother lives in London). Given that my birthday was in July, my brother thought it would be great if our family made it to London in the month of July. Fate had it that my parents would not be able to do so and I was left to chose if I wanted to go or not. I would have said no but for Kimi….

I went to London and subsequently to Silverstone to watch Kimi but it would be simple to finish it in a sentence, as in reality what I had to go through for that was immense. I did not go to London because I had the money or the resources or the wealthy paunchy brother to spend on me, it was for Kimi (mainly). I would have left my attempts to go after the initial shake up if my trip was solely for entertainment, but I went on only because of the thrill of watching Kimi and a formula one race from 10 feet away…..that was what I had become in a decade of f1 viewing and 7 years of supporting Kimi – that was what Kimi had turned me into.

After months of discussion, I finally decided to go to the British GP in Silverstone. My Brother had booked the tickets in Feb 2008 itself but I had not applied for the visa because one of my friends had got it within a week and I was confident that it would be the same with me. So I applied with great confidence for a family visit visa on May 30th. And I used to check the status online. It was all going well and finally on the following Wednesday (June 4), the status online showed “processed application handed to courier”. I was happy beyond anything. Though the words could mean both a rejected and an approved application, I never really thought of my application being rejected. That was something that had no place even in the farthest corners of my mind. The very thought was out of question. I told of the same to everyone and even joked with them that the site had a poor choice of words as in my opinion they should change the language used above for accepted applications (as in my case). Then on Friday, June 6th, I got the letter from the embassy. They had rejected my application for a family visit visa (of the lowest duration) on grounds that they were not satisfied I would return back to India after the race.

You can imagine what was going through me at that time. I had just 3 weeks before my intended date of travel. I had office and all. I had every other thing to do and on top of that, after going through all the things, my visa was rejected. I had 2 options – give up and accept defeat, accept the fact that I would never meet Kimi or never go out of the country and on a more important note I was rejected a visa the first time ever I had applied OR go for an appeal and try and convince the visa officer that I would not try and settle in the UK. All that in 3 weeks or at a maximum 4 weeks as the race was on July 6th and it was 4 weeks away.

I went through all the possible sources of information and after all that I came to know that an appeal process would atleast 3 weeks if everything went well and smooth i.e., if my letter to the immigration officer was convincing enough and if he felt that he would not need to meet me personally (in Chennai) then he would overwrite his decision and issue a visa. That itself would take 3 weeks and another week for me to send back my passport and get it back (all lower end timelines). That would mean that I would get the visa on July 4th; and the race was on July 6th. It was an outside shot. A very slim probability and a very high monetary risk involved and it was up to me to decide if I wanted to take it. If I got the visa on July 4th, I could take a flight on July 5th and since one gains time while going to London from India, I would land on the night of July 5th in London giving me less than 12 hours before we would start off for Milton Keynes and Silverstone.

I took the chance. I had to. I didn’t want to be a rejected item. I decided to send my appeal papers to the embassy. Even if I didn’t get the visa in time, I wanted to get it. I didn’t want to lose this one. On June 12th, I was going to fax my papers to the Appellate Tribunal in London. It was then that an Angel (as I would call her) called me from the Embassy in Chennai telling me that if I sent the papers to London, it would take months for the appeal to be completed and that if I sent the papers to Chennai then the visa officer would look at them and decide on whether to send the same to London or not. So I sent them to Chennai. Since there was no facility to follow the progress online, I used to call them every alternate day for the updates. On July 1st, I had to make a very big decision. There was no word on my visa and though I had been kept the tickets blocked till then, given that there were only 3 days before the date of journey, there would no longer be a blocking facility. I had to either confirm the ticket or risk having no seat available on the flight. My brother told me to book the ticket on the last possible moment of departure – July 5th morning IST. I took the risk again. I asked my agent to book the ticket for the flight on July 5th, Saturday, the last possible moment for me to start in order to reach on time (Though my agent was hyper at the idea of me losing 50,000 bucks if my visa didn’t come in time, he booked it for me).

July 3rd, Judgement day. I called the embassy for the update and a familiar voice answered me (even they had got used to me calling regularly). She told me that my visa was approved and that they would be sending it to me on that day which meant I would get my visa on July 4th, one (rather half) day before the last possible moment of departure and my flight. I asked her if she was sure twice and even she couldn’t help laugh. You could sense the emotion, the delight, it was like Will Smith getting the job in the climax of Pursuit of Happyness. It was pure joy. Something that was least expected to happen had happened. I got through the appeal process in the least timeline. The visa officer was convinced with my argument and had overturned his decision. I was heading to Silverstone!!!

But there was still a problem, my leave. My manager was really good. I mean look at all the ifs and buts involved in the plan. I had told him about my position and that I would have to go for a couple of weeks if my visa gets approved. It was contingent, it was an outside chance and I was on a crunch engagement. But he gave me permission. Even my senior manager approved it. Everything that was supposed to happen had happened. Now I had to just stay at home on Friday July 4th, receive my visa, collect my ticket and fly away to meet Kimi!!!!! All that begins well ends well!!!

Did I meet Kimi?? Why dont you read on....!!!

Chapter 1 - The Iceman

In a country like mine, it’s easy to find people who love a sport; it’s not as easy but not difficult either to find people who are obsessed with a sport. In most cases, the sport in question would be cricket or tennis. But in very rare cases, it would be football or formula 1; and the number has been rising. Formula 1 for example is being followed on a much larger scale than it was a decade ago, when the following for the sport was pathetic - hardly anyone even knew what f1 was. Even today, when things have improved a lot, there are many who either don’t know what f1 is or others who don’t have a complete idea of what f1 is.

I started watching f1 in 1998, perhaps that was when star sports started giving a complete coverage of the sport because I can’t remember watching such coverage for the sport in the years before. I was 11 back then and if I could understand the sport then anyone can. I was fascinated by the sheer speed and beauty of the cars and my eyes fell on McLaren - it was the best looking car because of the paintwork (and it was winning). But then that was not where I stopped, I dragged out the history of the teams and drivers and everything I could find given that internet back then was rare and costly. Even after all of that, I liked McLaren over Ferrari and Williams and Mika Hakkinen over everyone else including Michael Schumacher despite the fact that Michael had 2 championships to mika's 0. That year Mika was champion but I didn’t get to see all races, I didn’t get to follow developments on a regular basis - newspapers never reported on f1 and internet was unavailable. Come 99 and things on the coverage front improved a bit and Mika was champion again...and 2000 was the year when things changed completely. The coverage was good and the newspapers also started reporting ok...I watched and watched as my hero battled it out with schumi and lost out due to lack of reliability and bad luck. But he was awesome in some races say Hungary - overtaking schumi off the line and in Spa where he produced one of the greatest overtaking moves of all time (awesome!! you have to watch it live to understand)..I still hoped a lot from him the next year. I started following things off season and car launches and all and finally when the season started in 2001, it was not the McLaren that caught my eye, it was a sauber...I still remember the first shot - a helicopter cam showing the sauber going towards the final complex of 2 right handers and Steve Slater (though I don’t care a damn of what he says) shouting into the microphone that the 21 year old driver didn’t have a super license and that he had graduated to f1 after only 21 single seater races ever!!! That immediately caught my attention and though I don’t exactly remember the time that he posted on his first ever f1 qualifying lap, I do remember that it was good enough to make me take notice of this guy forever. The Mclarens were not good enough. It was an ordinary performance from Mika but it was Kimi Raikkonen who had captured my attention. The next day he surprised me even more by bringing his sauber into the points, the first time I saw that team do so well, he finished sixth which was remarkable back then. It was amazing, first race and first points. Throughout the season, he continued to surprise me by finishing in the points whenever his car didn’t blow up and all of this in his first year itself. Mika on the other hand was struggling (for reasons I don’t understand even today) and disappointing me again and again except in Spain and USA but it was only because of Kimi that I was able to sustain myself to watch the entire races. By the end of 2001, a heartbreak and a good news were in store for me as Kimi came to McLaren and Mika retired from the sport. But I was not as disappointed as I should have been on Mika's retirement because in Kimi I saw every bit of him taking shape or even more.

I am obsessed with Kimi (as some people will also vouch for it). What I like in Kimi or why I like him I don’t know for sure but I can say I liked him from the beginning. The way he drove a sauber to the way he drove at McLaren. Seeing him drive his car was different to anything I had seen in the 3 years I’d seen f1. You could sense the aggression even when the camera shot was from the outside. Even a person watching f1 for the first time could differentiate this kid's style from the others, this was a guy who was pushing his car to the maximum - not his maximum, the car's maximum and that was what set him apart from everybody else. Kimi was too good, a talent that I had never seen before. Mika was a different kind of a driver. Kimi was unique to me (at that time) and I liked him from the word go. It was after liking him and after he moved to McLaren that I started a research on this guy and I liked him more after that. All through 2002, I rooted for the new kid on the block who had turned down Ferrari and chose my team (McLaren) and France was the race that I remember the most. It took me more than a day to let the disappointment sink in. Kimi had become within a lap of becoming the youngest driver to take a race win. But that was not all. Kim’s best drive (drive that had an everlasting effect on me) was in Belgium. He retired from the race with a technical issue but the way he drove in qualifying for the race was amazing. His laps were excellent and considering the circuit and the difficulty involved, along with an experience of less than 50 races ever, Kimi was amazing. And to top it all off, on his first ever qualifying lap in spa for McLaren, Kimi did something that people and columnists around the world will remember whenever they take his name, write columns on him, etc. Kimi drove flat out through eau rouge when it was filled with smoke from an engine failure. To treat a corner; that is considered the best, was considered the most dangerous, and is known for the gradient change; like that definitely shows his BALLS (**** off Mr. Hamilton). That cemented me to Kimi more than ever and I was determined to follow this guy and McLaren for as long as I could. Kimi finished only 6 or 7 races that year and every time he finished (except once) he was in the top 4. Agreed he was nothing in the championship but I took it as a transition year from a slow team to a classic high tech fast car (though it lost out to Ferrari). And never, never for a moment too did I think of supporting Michael Schumacher or Ferrari. He was nothing in my view. A guy who was benefitting from a good car, a reliable team mate and the absence of an experienced rival like Mika. Austria 2002 cemented my opinion on the man (who is nothing to me though he is considered the best - stats are truly misleading!!!)

If France 2002 and Belgium 2002 were a disappointment, then you have no idea what I was feeling by the end of the Japanese grand prix in 2003. It was disappointment of no measure and description. It was so bad that it was then that I realized how obsessed I was with Kimi and f1. Kimi had come within 2 points of becoming the youngest champion ever!! Also I had no idea that in the coming years, I would realize that this guy would have more bitter bad luck and that I could go on writing ‘what ifs’ for pages together. Yet 2003 was a year to cherish as the championship went till the last race courtesy the new points system and kimi’s consistency (and Michelin). Kimi took his first race win; was quick, consistent and mature. In short he really came good with my expectations and rewarded my trust in him. Yet he lost, by 2 puny points. He did everything he could and finished on the podium every time things went ok with the car. He outperformed superior drivers and machines in a car that was built on the 2002 chassis and was never changed during the season. He was the Man of 2003 fighting with a not-so-good car with the best guys and machinery (Ferrari and Williams being considerably faster than his old mclaren) in f1. But he lost – by 2 points. But little did I know that it would be the beginning of the fall.

2004 would be the year that McLaren managed to create the worst car ever in their history. It burned out while idling (waiting with its engine on) and Kimi was definitely in a very bad position. But that year I saw the man in Kimi. I saw positives both in the McLaren team and in Kimi. After being thoroughly raped by the media for their dreadful performances and all, McLaren came up with a new interim chassis by mid season that was competitive (if not the best) and the statement was clear. They were not going to stand and let themselves be raped. The indications could not have started in a more fitting manner. McLaren and Kimi took pole in Silverstone, the team’s home grand prix. And in a year so bad, that would have been a cherishable moment for the former world champions but for Kimi I am sure it wasn’t. You could see that he was a man on a mission that year. His focus and determination were very high and you could sense it when you saw him. 2004 was the year where Kimi was at his best (in terms of motivation). From the moment, the second car was introduced, Kimi was on fire. He was the best of the rest every time his car was able to finish a race and all he needed was a combination of circumstances to snatch a win. And he got them, in Belgium. It was a wet weekend and a tough track. No one would have expected a non-schumi victory given that only Ferrari and Renault had won races and that the treacherous conditions would mean only the best would win. Only Trulli had broken schumi’s winning streak. Apart from that single race in Monaco, Ferrari had won everything and it was not looking any different in Belgium either. Micheal Schumacher was the most successful driver on that track and Ferrari were unbeatable. Qualifying was as expected. The only man to win a race other than in a Ferrari was on pole. It was a very good lap from Trulli and Schumi was alongside. The man I am concerned about, Kimi was down in tenth. Then came Sunday. What a day it was. Kimi won the race. It was an all time display of speed and skill and in the end an inferior McLaren was able to beat a classic Ferrari. And you should have seen the podium celebrations and the post race press conference. Kimi was as if he had proved a point, as they (McLaren) had proved a point and what a joy it was to hear him say “I hope the reporter who challenged us keeps his word” (referring to a journalist who had said he’d run naked around Silverstone if McLaren won a race in 2004). That was the man and that was the drive that eventually led to a political war to get his services at Ferrari. 2004 ended as a year to forget for McLaren but they had not lost all, they had proved a point, Kimi has proved a point, he was not a man to mess with.

2005 was ultimate. McLaren were by far the fastest car given that their engine didn’t blow up and Kimi was the fastest driver on the grid. Still he wasn’t champion, he lost because of an unreliable and short tempered engine that let him down at crucial times denting his championship beyond repair. But he produced some remarkable drives. Notably Monza, Hungary, Monaco, Spain, Nurburgring, France, Britain, German and above all Japan (Details in another post). He was the driver who deserved the championship but he lost. It was disappointment and anger over fate that was far far greater than what I had in 2003. Kimi had lost again despite having the fastest car – because it was unreliable. Alonso had won the championship, not on merit but on pure luck.

2006 was again a bad year and for the first time since his debut, Kimi looked frustrated at mclaren to me. The car was nowhere close to Ferrari and Renault and much faster than the others. So no matter what Kimi did, he was the best of the rest. Maybe that turned him off. Even then he gave a few great drives of aggression and took the fight to Ferrari. McLaren didn’t win a single race that season but Kimi had done everything to make the car win, it was just that the car gave up on him on those occasions (China, Italy, Germany, Hungary etc).

And in 2007, Kimi went to Ferrari and I was left in doldrums. I hated Ferrari and I loved Kimi and I was left to choose between Kimi and McLaren. I did not know what to do. I wanted to support both Kimi and McLaren and that was how I was thinking when I sat before the TV in March 2007. And what a delight it was to see Kimi go 0.9 of a second faster than anybody else or Kimi to win his first race with Ferrari and also set the fastest lap. Kimi had prevailed and so had McLaren. But as the season progressed, I gave up on McLaren. Kimi was finally champion and he was a delight to watch. But this time, it was not because of his aggression. Kimi was different in red overalls and in the Ferrari. He never looked aggressive but mature and controlled, strategic and quick. But he was still the fastest overall and had more wins than the others. Kimi had changed. Was it for the good? I still don’t know. But Kimi had changed and McLaren had changed too and there was nothing I could do. I chose Kimi over McLaren and I have no regrets of not having a favorite team as long as Kimi is there on the grid.

2008 was bad, like some other years in the past but I still like Kimi. I still support him and I don’t want people to talk shit about him. Kimi still prevails over Fernando, Michael or the idiotic Lewis. He is still the best and definitely better than the others mentioned above. The thing that separates Kimi from the rest is his attitude. He never blames his team for a bad car; he never criticizes managements or goes public with this frustration. He never abuses his fellow drivers, never asks for favors. Never disrespects his team mate and always works for the team. No fuss – All performance. Everyone has their negatives, even Kimi has. But his positives outweigh his negatives. I don’t care what people think about him (even he doesn’t), I don’t care what they might say or comment but I will say this – There is only one Kimi and there will never be another Kimi, ever.

Kimi is fun, Kimi is fast, Kimi is strong, and he’s everything other champs are not!! Tell me a driver who has his fun and does what he wants but does not let that affect his on track performance. Tell me a driver who would go to any lengths to make sure he does what he wants and also not break his terms of employment – like dressing up as gorillas for a boat race or changing names to James hunt for a snow mobile race (and go on to beat seasoned professionals!!!)..That is Kimi…he is the best and he will be the best, no matter where he goes... be it f1, rally racing or whatever sport that has an engine that he likes…Kimi will be the best and he will beat the rest because he is the only ICEMAN!!

You'll find more and more kimi on this page but thats nothing compared to what he has given us, the fans of the Iceman!!!

The day the cave was plundered

I had no clue of the triumph that had taken place a couple of kilometers away when i kickstarted (rather electric started) from my home and headed east towards the house where the son of shiva and parvati (or maybe jhansi and rambabu), vighnesh lived. I picked him up (kaise din aa gaye) and started west towards the hangout - a place where it would be news if we didnt meet there.Agreed it was over by the time we reached our destination but even then we had no clue at all. By the time we had entered our room which was absolutely secure and highly closeted from eavesdroppers, a completely unexpected sight met our eyes. Our friend Mohammed (name changed for obvious reasons) was sitting on his table with a i've-lost-everything-but-i-did-whatever-i-could look on his face, his legs stretched wide and with some papers in his hands. Joydeep and Karan were sitting near his legs whereas Viper (names changed again) was moving around enjoying the show. What had happened??

Well there is a cave (shelf for mundane minds) in our hangout(rather a friends house) which contains riches of immense value to all of us. The entry to this cave can be attained only by the person having possession of the unforgeable key. This key is held by the sacred key keeper. There is only one key forged by the gods and not forgeable my man. Mohammed Ali himself is the sacred keykeeper. Now within the depths of this cave lies a treasure, a treasure which contains a lot of things(we knew only a few contents). All of us were curious as to what Mohammed was hiding in there apart from the contents we knew. We waged many wars on the sacred key keeper to gain possession of the key but everytime we lost. We got close but never made it. We even had numerous plans in the pipeline to somehow steal the key without the knowledge of the key keeper. But this key was kept by the key keeper in his possession and at an unreachable place in his body at all times.

Given this situation, we had done whatever we could to satisfy our curiosity. But we had failed till date. Till that fateful day....

My friends had somehow overpowered the key keeper, they had caught him in a alright-whats-the-big-deal-if-you-see-my-cave sort of mood and had used his momentary weakness to overpower him physically (with help from the brother of the key keeper - Endivoi Ali) and not only extract the key but open the cave in his presence. They had plundered the cave and explored its contents. It was in such a situation that we had entered the battlefield.

The cave had been won, the secrets revealed (not to you but to us). But there was still the paper in his hand that we had to know about. And finally the key keeper gave in. With a you-did-it-only-because -i-allowed-you-to sort of a look, he gave us the paper too..

It was a victory of unimaginable proporations. We had done it finally....but was this a victory to cherish???

The key keeper is not the key keeper only because he holds the keys, he is THE key keeper. He holds our secrets, our resources, our achievements and he can do anything with them...


hoping for good times and peace with the key keeper...

Amen!!

KERS or Curse

The biggest change in rules in formula one history, as it is being tipped is about to be seen in 2009. We, unfortunately or fortunately, are going to witness it even if we like it or not. But are these rule changes going to make the sport more viewer friendly? More exciting? More spectacular? – Your guess is as good as mine.

Formula one has seen major developments in technological terms in all areas of the sport during the years 1998 to 2006. If one compares the cars prior to that period to those that were designed during the period, they can see many visible changes in the cars. In a sport, where changes to the car that can never be perceived until you take a closer look, strikingly distinguishable changes in the appearance of the cars is indeed a big change. The cars were getting quicker and quicker, the tyres getting enough grip despite the fact that they were now grooved and the engines getting better and better all the time. One team that truly took advantage in this era was Ferrari. The team was unbeatable during that phase. Though it lost out in 2005 and 2006, one would agree that they were untouchable in that era and everybody was trying to catch Ferrari. No matter what the rule change, they still managed to stay ahead of everyone. By the end of 2004, when it had won another constructors trophy and Micheal Schumacher had dominated the season in ways never heard before, there was no reason to believe that the same team would struggle in 2005. But it was not to be. The radical rule changes including two race engines and a ban on tyre changes together with changes in the formats to qualifying had finally taken their toll on Ferrari. The team struggled to match the pace of Mclaren and Renault and were forced to battle it out in the midfield. But with the new rule changes drawing flak from most quarters and the resulting change to rules that were similar to those before 2005, Ferrari were back in 2006. Though it was not enough to win them the championships, Ferrari has once again proved that they should not be written off.

But an even bigger challenge came to the team in 2007. With no Ross Brawn or Micheal Schumacher, the team had only Jean Todt (staying to avoid another ig change) and an amateur Felipe Massa. Kimi Raikkonen was the MAN to replace Micheal (or rather the reason for Micheal’s departure). Even though considered the fastest driver on the grid even today, Kimi had a daunting task ahead of him with a team that he was new to, a team that was coping with change and a car that had very different charecteristics from that of his Mclaren, which was suited to him in all ways except for its reliability and a underperforming engine. But he came out on top and helped his team secure both the championships, after 2 long years. The team won the constructors trophy in 2008 but they were never at their potential. They underperformed but won only because the others had underperformed even more badly.

The point is, is this the stage in formula 1, is this the point where we are about to see a change in the balance of power. We have seen it happen all the time – a team dominates proceedings, reaches its peak and then falls away. It is something unavoidable. Is Ferrari getting there? Are they falling away? Is Mclaren making a comeback after a decade and almost 2 decades bar 98 and 99? Only time will tell. But the indications are there. Ferrari are yet to test their 2009 spec wings and the KERS. With a rule change of this magnitude coming up and the ban on in season testing, a winning team would not waste test mileage on endurance and set up work. While most of its competitors are out on track testing KERS and the new aerodynamic regulations, Ferrari are doing endurance runs in a car fitted with slicks and simulated 2009 aero levels, which is hardly what you’d expect. So is KERS the answer to the question that has been bowling out the best of the experts from a long long time “When are Ferrari going to fall away?”. There’s only one way to know……gentlemen start your engines!!!!

Sometimes you have to look at the necessity rather than the ability

Well I wasn’t really bothered till recently, just leading my life like a blunt instrument with a blind will that things would go back to normal as soon as the opportune moment came. But when? I didn’t know, I never had an indication either. Then come moments in your life when you feel like if it is really necessary to push all these things down on your priority list – especially in my case.

My life changed after my tenth class results as you all know. Now when I look back, I find my reaction silly and my decisions funny but I chose to become what I am today and doesn’t matter what the ifs and buts would have given me or landed me in. More importantly, it was the point in my life where I had to part ways with my friends. I knew it would happen but no matter what you know it would never prepare you for the day when you realize the fact that you will no longer be able to go to the class with them and have the fun that you had till that day. Fortunately, we parted ways only to the extent of the classes and not outside them. And all through my +2, my friends were patient and caring. They never pestered over the fact that I rarely met them or that I forgot birthdays and skipped outings. They never pecked me for being what I was. Instead they realized why I was unable to do all those things with them. They knew that I was going to college from 730 to 2230 and that I hardly stayed at home. Even holidays (including public and strikes, bandhs) were of no significance as they never really seemed to bother either my lecturers or my college management and in days when its hard to find true friends I had people around me who understood my position and never bothered me with unnecessary complications. Moreover, they welcomed me warmly and made me forget all this when I was with them. Day after day I led a dual life, killing my instincts for mischief and humour, leading a sober and low profile students life until the day came when I decided to finally tell the world that I was not going to join engineering. No one believed me when I told them that. Some well wishers even decided to force the shit (as per them) out of me, make me see sense. But I was not prepared to listen to anyone. I had decided to do what I liked. And who were the ones behind me – my family and my friends. No one else. Come to think of it, it really didn’t matter what others felt as long as these people were with me. So I jumped ship into a completely new world again and this world was the worst I’d seen.

I didn’t let the unnecessary things bother me because I found friends again in this new world despite it being bad. These people were again like my school friends, not pestering me and understanding what I did. I somehow missed such company in my +2 years. My friends there were more different. They never really understood my position maybe because they don’t have a complete insight into a CA student’s routine. They misunderstood me for avoiding them, which is far from the truth.

So as my life goes on like a log in a river, not knowing what lies ahead, what do I have that I can rely on – my school friends. And what happened recently made me think…..

They ask me to come to a trip.. I tell them I’ll do it and then I don’t show up because of office. What’s the consequence? Nothing. They’ll be the same good guys. They’ll play gentlemen again and be good to me. But how long will this go on? When all of them can do things we always do, what am I doing sitting in office? For my age and regular habits…for what I am inside…what have I done to myself…why did I choose this path…why am I picking the wrath of my +2 friends…why am I missing these small things…is this necessary? Is this what I bargained for? Is this what I will be forever?


Anta philosophy ledu…but just a thought ante….asalu em jarugutondi naa jeevitamlo!!!